trouble in paradise

Things are kinda funny right now. I am starting to realize things about my relationship with Michael that I guess I had just glossed over before because I was so happy with all of the other aspects of us being together.

Most of these realizations add up to the fact that he is really, as they say, "up in my business." Many, many things that I say and do somehow, in some indirect way, end up getting related back to him. Example: I came into school the other day and my programmer (the guy who makes the schedules) took a few minutes to talk to me. This guy is great...he's really helped me out as a first year teacher, and I think the very least I can do is wish him "good morning." That particular day, he asked me what my summer plans were and we chatted for a bit before I headed upstairs. Later, Michael saw me, acting very concerned and wanted to know what happened. When I looked confused and said I didn't understand what he was asking about, he told me that he had noticed I had spent a longer amount of time than usual speaking to the programmer and wanted to know if he had been possibly hinted that he knew Michael and I were dating. Then, once I relieved his mind about that, he said that he was worried that I might have been getting in trouble (for what, I had no idea...which then worried me, thinking that he might have heard that I was- or should be- in trouble!) I've just been finding it strange that he is finding a way of making almost everything that he notices about my life relate back to him.

So, we had a talk and the more I talked, the more I realized that I was feeling a bit suffocated (especially after last Saturday, when I was sick, took a long nap and awoke to find that I had missed 9 calls from him!) In conclusion, we are taking a pseudo-break. I don't exactly know what else to call it. We're still going to see each other, but I have told him that I'm open to dating other people, with the acknowlegement that at the present moment it's not like there's anyone waiting on standby or anything. Besides that, we're going to limit the physical amount of time we're together, and I've given him a laundry list of things that he is not allowed to do or say. (Some things come naturally for him since he's a trainer, but having him ask me, just before I open a soda, "Do you know how many calories are in that?" makes me want to kill him!)

He is still going to come with me this weekend and meet my family, which I think is a good thing. Seeing how he is with them will accomplish a few things: first, I hope it will allieviate some pressure that he puts on himself about needing to take care of me because he thinks I don't have a family anymore, second, it'll give me a chance to see how he is when he's out of his own comfort zone, which is where he's been from the beginning of the relaionship, and finally, I'll get to see what kind of feeling my family gets from him, which will clarify for me what decisions I might need to make next.

Oy! In other, totally un-Michael related news (haha) I got my hair cut and colored yesterday. I am now reddish-blonde...kind of. I also started painting the walls of my bedroom (the paint store happened to be right next to the hair salon, so I figured, "why not?") and apparently the ELA test scores for my kids are back, so I am trying to chase down my assistant principal to find out, essentially, how the school is going to think I did teaching this year.

We are rapidly counting the days of school left to go, and I am looking forward to a bit of time without tons of screaming kiddos! (Amy, I am so jealous of you right now!)